Showing posts from December, 2011

Does she want to be well ?

Someone asked
Do I want to be well
After so many many  years
Of being ill ?
But tell me this,
do you think
This is the right question
To ask?
It shows nothing of understanding
Or empathy
With my reality.
Is it not then perhaps
To ask this of me
When there is no path
There is no possibility
Of achieving this aim ?
I might as well  ask
Do you want to go Centre of the Earth?
You would of course  say
It is not possible.
You would say
What a bizarre question to ask me.
I cannot do this thing you ask of me.
There is  no pathway to follow.
There is no vehicle within which to travel.
I would come to physical harm in trying.
Perhaps you might  want to go there as an idea,
But in reality
It is out of the question.
Perhaps you would like nothing more than to go there.
But is it possible?
Absolutely not.
So why ask the same of me?
Is it possible to be well?
Is there a path?
Do I want one?
Is there a vehicle to get there?
Of course not.
Do I want to come to harm in trying?
Certainly not,
Nor should I have that expectati…

Boxing Day

Boxing Day was the tail end of an obscure Christmas, the fag end of a year of abuse. 

My wife in too much agony to be touched, even slightly, without violently flinching, unable to feel her body below her waist, slumped, paralysed , in the sudden red glow of fireworks from next door, a party to which we were not invited.

Boxing Day was the pain in my guts, the longing to go running on a beach with her, knowing she is more ill than I have ever known. Christmas Day was the ME kicking her hard in her back and head.

There is no let up to the disease's merciless attack, its progressive worsening, its savage ravaging of my wife.

Boxing Day was me feeling very small  indeed, an impotent  spectator at the ME feast. So angry. 

Long Boxing Day of pain.

A Christmas wish


ME Spring

The  cold eats into me
Chilling my bones
And sending nerve pain screaming
round my  battered body
Winter is here
Yet spring will come
Sun will shine again
Things will change
New growth will come
But not I fear in ME world
The injustice rages through my body
Cuts deeper than the  icy chill of winter
Rattles round my bones
Demanding attention
Pierces even the depth  of my empty brain fogged  mind
Shouting out its wrongness
Demanding attention
Gnawing at the centre of my being.
How can we continue to bear such wrong in the world ?
Wrongness that destroys truth
That evades healing
That persecutes the vulnerable
That punishes the most ill.
Surely we cannot be frozen out of society  for ever
By misrepresentation
And banishment ?
Where is Justice ?
Where is Truth?
Where is honesty?
Where is  integrity?
The weight of the lie must surely break
the bough of untruth eventually?
How long do we have to stay in the  psychiatric winter of  misdiagnosis ?
How long will be frozen out of proper health care and …


The moments tick by So slowly Yet time is still running out Days slowly drip by And in the centre I sit Or lie Unable to function Unable to express The many gifts and talents That God has given me They are eroded away By deadly silence And complete functional inability Till I  become Someone who once was Someone who once did Someone who once lived Someone I no longer recognise For I am tossed this way and that By every passing noise And discarded on a heap of empty moments That should have been Multi-coloured and full of sound And beauty.


A letter to Lord Simon Wolfson, Chief Executive of NEXT

Stonebird is immensely proud to publish this excellent letter by Joss to Lord Wolfson, after his recent appearance on BBC's Question Time.
Where's The Benefit describe  what happened on the programme  :(
"This week on Question Time judge Constance Briscoe claimed there were vast swathes of fakers out there, but when asked how many she, unsurprisingly, didn't know.Next boss Lord Wolfson then claimed that JSA (Job Seekers Allowance)  wasn't the benefit with the fraud problem, but disability benefits.....No-one corrected him."
Here , then,  is Joss's letter to Lord Wolfson :

Dear Lord Simon Wolfson,
On Question Time (8th December 2011) you said that "the system that is played more than any other, incidentally, is the disability benefits". This is untrue.
In July of this year the government published Fraud and Error in the Benefits System: Preliminary 2010/2011 Estimateshttp://research.dwp.…

Advent Reflections

A Journey through Advent

Every day of December,  until Christmas , Stonebird will be posting an Advent Reflection on the reality of living with Very Severe ME.

The reflections can be found here :