Does she want to be well ?

Someone asked
Do I want to be well
After so many many  years
Of being ill ?
Why
But tell me this,
do you think
This is the right question
To ask?
It shows nothing of understanding
Or empathy
With my reality.
Is it not then perhaps
cruel
To ask this of me
When there is no path
There is no possibility
Of achieving this aim ?
Similarly
I might as well  ask
Do you want to go Centre of the Earth?
You would of course  say
It is not possible.
You would say
What a bizarre question to ask me.
I cannot do this thing you ask of me.
There is  no pathway to follow.
There is no vehicle within which to travel.
I would come to physical harm in trying.
Perhaps you might  want to go there as an idea,
But in reality
It is out of the question.
Perhaps you would like nothing more than to go there.
But is it possible?
Absolutely not.
So why ask the same of me?
Is it possible to be well?
Is there a path?
Do I want one?
Is there a vehicle to get there?
Of course not.
Do I want to come to harm in trying?
Certainly not,
Nor should I have that expectation placed upon me.
Yet here there is a catch 22 for me.
If I say no
You will say
I have given up.
I will somehow be blamed.
If I say yes
You will say
Then you must try harder.
If only it were that simple.
Perhaps instead you can stop suspending all realism
When it comes to my life and my illness.
Perhaps for once you can see
That it does not  matter
What I do
What I want
How I try to comply with your will
I still will not be well
Because I am genuinely physically ill
With an incurable neurological disease
And  simply wanting, hoping, desiring, demanding  to be well
Sadly
Unamazingly
Will not make it so.

Popular posts from this blog

Why ME must be removed from the JCPMH Report : Guidance for Commissioners of Services for People with Medically Unexplained Symptoms

Paralysis, a qualitative study of people with Severe Myalgic Encephalomyelitis

Why the separation of ME from CFS is long overdue