The Value of Pacing

It has taken me a long time to realize how differently things are done here in the emotional and physical desert, where I find myself as a carer . If its ego, reputation, acknowledgment you are after, then here is the loneliest place , for your companions, other campaigners, patients, carers, if there are any, are scattered far and wide. In any case they are far too tired, far too overloaded, far too stressed to be that concerned about stroking your fragile ego.

My brilliant contributions continually disappear into email limbo; there is only ever the all-pervasive silence of this place.

You could go crazy.

How frustrated I still get that we do not meet and plan a "strategy", that we have not collectively drawn up an "action plan". You know, what is our "mission statement" ? In another time, I used to teach these "management" strategies to struggling teams.

But here is the learning : everything that is reckoned to be so essential in the everyday, holds little relevance here.

Except that we are eye-poppingly effective when we do meet with the NHS, not in any airy-fairy way, but in a hard-hitting, sophisticated master of the facts way. Cross us at your peril, for we are going all the way to the top with this ; we know the system inside out, probably more than most professionals, we are very well connected indeed and we are already more than halfway there.

Out of the silence, the constant sickness, pain, exhaustion, the impossible demands , the almost complete lack of a formal structure, when it comes to delivery, we patients and carers emerge, united like a hurricane, all guns blazing.

It's all to do with the power of love, that is my only possible conclusion.

So I have to learn to trust the process more. To pace my own spiritual, emotional and physical growth much more gently , knowing that when it matters , everything comes together in the most extraordinary way.

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