Waiting on a phoenix

Waiting on a phoenix
Greg Crowhurst
(permission to repost)

Four fifteen in the morning and I'm thinking; what will it take for a phoenix to reach us here ?   I hold Linda, my wife's,   hand as  Florencio Avalos emerges from the escape capsule ; his young son bursting into tears.

Children have been denied to us, by ME.

Linda, herself ,  has been trapped  underground now since 1993.

  The two of us are buried deep . 2362 feet beneath the surface : that's a good an estimate as any. Our Doctor called yesterday and admitted  that her life has not one of the ordinary  pleasures that, well, make life even bearable. Food, drink, socializing, music, reading, cinema, theater, walking... joining me on my morning bike ride.

 Both of us have a classy  Dawes Galaxy : serious bikes. One time, before she got ill for 17 years,  Linda,  head held high,  flew off down a hill at such speed I could not catch her up. Well  she would, she used to cycle 18 miles a day to work. She's got the build of an athlete. This woman whose days  consist  in surviving on cold salad and moving from bed to chair, in a miasma of exquisite pain and paralysis. ...

...whose spider-infested bike  lies long  buried, down the shed, under years of flowerpots, discarded lawnmowers and cardboard boxes....2362 feet beneath the wicked, deliberately placed  rock pile  that is "CFS".

 Each time someone uses the word "CFS" - or "forward slash CFS" , to describe this disease, another rock is added to the hardening , growing pile.

Down, down deep in the darkness here , though,   lies "ME", like that three thousand year old seed that was found in a portion of a  tree,  in an ancient Egyptian tomb, back in the nineteenth century, Ramsay -defined ME, with all its promise of serious research lies dormant . We were doing so well back in the day , until the CDC came along .

That seed grew though , even after three thousand years.

We need people to know we are here. Peggy Munson's blog : http://peggymunson.blogspot.com/
on what we can learn from the AIDS community, is the best thing I've read yet on how to make ourselves heard.

Meanwhile, waiting here on a phoenix, with  as much fierce courage as those miners, we can at least begin to dig ourselves,  if not out, at least no deeper.


  1. Such a beautiful piece...a painful story I know well. Thank you for the beauty of your words. Elisabeth

  2. Thank you for sharing your's and your wife's suffering with us. This was very generous of you.

    Our Phoenix is coming; do not doubt, do not despair...ACTION is working it's way forward thru many venues...HOPE!


  3. Greg, this is a beautiful post and spot on. I too watched the rescue in Chile in tears for hours, through middle of the night, unable to pull away from the suspense and joy, longing for a Fenix 3 to come and rescue us too from the underworld we are trapped in by this disease. Thank you.

  4. I have no beautiful words, just HOPE


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