A demented outlaw from my own bed

I live in a cracked world
And violated
By ordinary things
Noise is an insult too far
I cannot bear it
It does not just hurt me
on the outside
It invades me
It dismembers me
It jellifies me
On the inside
Where no one can see
Or know
The true horror of my experience
The sheer extent of the
Vibrating damage.
I am screaming in torment
My muscles belong to no one
Certainly not to me
They are beyond my control
Long gone
Into an abyss
Of dismembering
In its violence
Far too easy
To say
pull yourself together
And to blame me
For my incapacity
To bear it
Even for a moment longer
Than to
Understand the tremor
Of despair
The complete and
Of my grasp
On ordinary
So long gone
That I am an
In my own
A demented
Outlaw from my own bed
By an invisible barrier
Of violence
That assaults
Only me
And leaves my body
Non compliant
With my mind
And broken
In a heap
Of writhing


  1. I wanna cry... how did she manage to put so much beauty in so much pain.. I've never been able to describe how I felt about my disease and she merely did it, in a way that no one could have done better. She talked about torture with such grace.. carrying hope even thought deep inside there is no hope anymore. Respect and love to her... She's still there in our minds & I'll keep fighting for ME, I'll keep fighting for what she accomplished despite her condition, I'll keep fighting for all of us sufferers, who deserve to heal..

  2. Dear Malina, thank you so much, your comment greatly strengthened Linda. It is so good to be heard and to know you are fighting too.

    With love,



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