Dec 24 th Christians Eve

We live in a strange out cast world.
I cannot engage with normality.
Even the simplest thing
is beyond my control.
Each year , our world reduces.
It has come to be normal
To live in a bizarre way.
My life diminished to living,
in a single room ,
darkened by heavy
Noise reducing curtains
That attempt to block out
my tormentors,
Whilst in effect blocking me out
further too
from ordinary reality
It makes sense from here.
It is essential ,
Within the circle of never ending agony
And noise sensitivity,
Living in a shifting hostile
Environment
Where every demand
Is too much
And every sound an unbearable irritation
And torment.
But from the outside
The view must be starkly different
Oddly perceived
Little understood
Easily misinterpreted
Too painful to comprehend
And leaves us
Feeling neglected
Isolated
And  pariahs
In a community
That should have been
Loving and enriching
Yet which is strangely
Silent
And absent
In its support
And understanding.
Too ill
Too odd
Too unavailable
To engage
We live in total isolation
Here
In this supposedly
holy place
And the difference
between
our experience
And our hopes
Is too vast
To utter,
Here on this Christmas Eve
Where God is celebrated
And prayers ring out
But pass us by.

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