We live in an impossible world

We live in an impossible 
normality is beyond us, 
we are tortured by
the simplest interaction
Normal things cause us
pain, deterioration,
risk harming us severely
We need extra help
yet the price of help
is often too high
to pay
We cannot access it
for the people who would 
would hurt us
with their unawareness
and lack of understanding
How can anyone truly understand
how much pain they can
when a whisper
drills into your brain and
sends pain spiders
crawling round your head ?
When any loud noise
is a torture that feels
like you are being hit 
repeatedly with a
sledge hammer.
When banging,thudding,
causes your
guts to go into trembling
jelly spasms too
indescribably horrible to
convey ?
When a simple wiff of perfume,deodorant 
or washing powder leads
you to feel utterly sick,
vomit and give
you a massive instant
headache and intensifies
your body pain unbearably?
How could anyone possibly
understand what it feels like
when a touch, gentle,kind,
loving,feels like
a heavy block of cement
is pressing down upon you,
so that you cannot breathe
cannot bear the pain
flinch and withdraw
be come irritable and shout ?
How can anyone possibly
imagine how going to
sleep is not restful,
that you will not feel better if you rest
that instead the limited
movement you may have
grasped has disappeared
into a vacuum
leaving you paralysed
and unable to communicate,
in agony and numb all over ?
How can anyone truly understand
the horror of brain fog
the complete inability to
think, to find words
memories, pictures, images,
knowledge, to comprehend
information ?
How can anyone understand
why you can speak to
them but are tormented
by the painful sound of their
voice and the inability
to process and understand
their reply ?

The true reality of ME
is bizarre, disturbing
utterly horrifying
and frightening
as you descend into
physical and mental chaos,
tortured by everything.

I doubt you can comprehend it
even if you wanted to.
There is an impossible gap between 
your reality and mine.

And that is why I weep.

Linda Crowhurst


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