Recognise as Torture?

The left side says sleep.
Let go.
No more fighting me.
Give in.
Relax down to nothingness.
There you will find
Peace
Rest
Stillness.
Yes but also
Emptiness
Pain
Loss
Grief
Untold agony
Waits with you
I say.
The right side
Still has some movement.
I long to be used
It says to me
I want to do so much
I have so much to offer.
Keep awake.
Keep alert.
Don’t let the paralysis
Grab you!
Yet still it creeps
As the two sides argue
The need for life
For love
For creativity
For being
Vs the desire
For peace
Stillness
Comfort
The elusive
Yet never found
Promise of rest
Reneged on
again and again
And again.
Yet it is
Peace,
But a peace within
Negation
Inability
Lostness
Disappearance
From everything
From everyone
Even myself
How can I make sense of this?
How can I keep going
Whilst the paralysis
Grabs at me repeatedly
Without relent?
How can love
Hope
Possibility
Beauty
Triumph
When I am continually
being dragged down
Into a tormented reality
Few know
Little understand
Or even
Recognise
As torture?

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