Advocating for someone who is very ill

 


ADVOCATING FOR SOMEONE WHO IS VERY ILL
For me, deep down shy, reserved, not wanting to upset people, as I am, of my most difficult roles is that of advocate, speaking up on behalf of my wife, doing what requires doing, to ensure her needs are met.
Basically, you just have to do it, but this, as I discovered recently helping my wife in hospital, is not that easy. It can take incredible courage and extraordinary determination, on your part, to put yourself out there.
To do it, to get what the person needs, whether that is a glass of water or an entire service, you are going to need good negotiating skills.
You will need a solid grasp of the issues and facts, so that you are not outwitted by the other's, all too common, "yes/buts", leading you away from truth, to their relative view. You must be aware of how a relative view corrupts truth.
You need to stand firm for the person’s and their reality especially where others are angry, limited, misinterpreting or compromising the need.
You must protect the person at all times, this is not negotiable nor open to compromise.
You must never let yourself be fobbed off with something that is not suitable but makes the other feel self-justified - or makes you feel you have done your best or tried. Advocating is not about making you feel better, it is about making sure the person is not negated and that their need is met.
Remember this:
1. You are responsible to represent the person, not to yourself.
2. You are standing in for the person, to get their needs totally met, to speak for them.
3. It is not your position to be overly nice to whoever you are talking to and so accommodating of their situation that you compromise the position of the person you are supposed to be representing.
4. There may be two sides to a story but you need to be clear which side you stand on; it is always the person’s.
5. It is your duty to be assertive on behalf of the person you represent, even if being assertive doesn't come naturally to you - it doesn’t to me! Anything else will lead to the potential negation or minimising of the person's reality.
6. Compromise is unacceptable.
7. You need to be polite but you don't need to be popular; you need to be assertive for the truth however uncomfortable that makes you feel.
8. You can't make everyone happy necessarily. The person you are trying to please is the person you are advocating for.
9. You have to come from a centre of truth and integrity , with a lived commitment to understand the person's reality.
10. Your position is the assertion of the person's equality of person-hood, nothing else.
Most important of all, be very clear about your boundaries and who you represent.
(Pastel by Linda Crowhurst )

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