6am. My wife gasping, she is so much agony; she cannot take any more, she cries. The pain, paralysis, numbness, noise, light, touch sensitivity,profound multi-system dysfunction has lasted for over 18 years. Change, such as it is, moves at a glacial pace. Professionals take all the time in the world, months, to get back to us. All I could do was dig deep , to offer what crumb of comfort I could could. Later , on my bike, for that is how I cope myself, I crest a hill and see white waves breaking . Here's the thing, I tell myself. We have always taught that the three most important decisions anyone with ME has to make, at anyone time are : When you CAN When you CAN'T When you MIGHT ..But what happens when all that's left is CAN'T ? What then ?