Darkness
ME is a darkness; when the flat light of reality strikes, the emptiness is revealed : the chair where my wife spends most of her life : no trips to the sales, to Church, to restaurants, clubs, the nearby beaches, with me and the dog; no, just the chair that my wife occupies year in, year out, in tear-your-guts-out agony
My anguish. Knowing that Christmas really is too much for her, she is so terribly ill.
Our almost total isolation here : how that can hit home !
The darkness, Jung once said, referring to one's mysterious , personal "dark "side is 90% gold. I always hold onto that.
The darkness here is full of infinite treasure. Sure there are times when our existence is laid bare in all its terrifying deathly starkness.
The other 90 % of the time though we enjoy a closeness of relationship and a depth of life that transcends all boundaries, borders and restrictions imposed by the disease. From our two chairs we soar and touch the sky and stars.
It is the 10% that fuels my anger, my fighting rage, my gross impatience with the hideous fudging, the deceit, the lies, the games, the manipulation that goes on, in the name of "ME": especially from the "ME" community, where the loudest voices are often the most compromised.
Where will change really come from I wonder, this Bank Holiday Monday; the year drawing to a close.
My anguish. Knowing that Christmas really is too much for her, she is so terribly ill.
Our almost total isolation here : how that can hit home !
The darkness, Jung once said, referring to one's mysterious , personal "dark "side is 90% gold. I always hold onto that.
The darkness here is full of infinite treasure. Sure there are times when our existence is laid bare in all its terrifying deathly starkness.
The other 90 % of the time though we enjoy a closeness of relationship and a depth of life that transcends all boundaries, borders and restrictions imposed by the disease. From our two chairs we soar and touch the sky and stars.
It is the 10% that fuels my anger, my fighting rage, my gross impatience with the hideous fudging, the deceit, the lies, the games, the manipulation that goes on, in the name of "ME": especially from the "ME" community, where the loudest voices are often the most compromised.
Where will change really come from I wonder, this Bank Holiday Monday; the year drawing to a close.
We did have you both in our thoughts on Christmas day. We spent the day alone as we have no family to share it with. But it is summer here and that helps. We had a wild orphan fledgling keeping us company this year. She is a Black Currawong and a rare blessing to care for.
ReplyDeleteI managed to make the Christmas cake that Rod so likes this year but I spent a day in bed afterwards. I appreciate how far from even that Linda is.
But you had each others love and that is without doubt the greatest gift of all.
My thoughts and prayers are with you both - yours is such a wonderful gift to express so clearly the anguish, tenderness, and anger stemming from (and around) this wretched disease.
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