The Moment Approach

 


HOW TO REALLY HELP THE PERSON GET THEIR NEEDS MET.

Everything you do and say is a potential source of harm to someone with Severe/Very Severe ME; I know this so well!
If they react badly to you, consider the possibility that each word you speak may be experienced as a blow to the head or a knife to the guts, in terms of the pain it elicits.
You do not experience noise or light or touch in the same way that they do, so you have to try even harder to understand what you are or might be doing to the person inadvertently by your actions which may be causing pain or disturbance.
There are several possible carer responses to the dilemma of how to help the person get their needs met, including :
▪ Fear, preventing you from acting and helping, leading to avoidance, inaction and neglect or even negation.
▪ Ignoring the person’s reality, either by not helping them, assuming they will help themselves eventually or by just doing the care task anyway, because it needs doing, no matter what.
▪ Distress, leading to inaction, inability to cope with the person, feeling overwhelmed and incapacitated or being inadequate or overprotective.
▪ A"MOMENT" approach: looking for those moments when the person can engage, if only you are centred enough, respectful, silent, attentive, compassionate, focused, knowledgeable, aware and willing to be flexible enough, patient and kind.
It requires looking for new ways to connect, with infinite patience.
To maximise the opportunity to interact with, physically help and support the person with Severe ME, you need to take a moment-by-moment approach and be flexible.
You cannot force the person and they cannot force themselves; you need to know this : and fully understand it!
Severe/Very Severe ME is so complex, so hard to understand, so terribly changeable, you never stop learning.
(Adapted from : "Severe ME, featuring Justice for Karina Hansen" http://www.stonebird.co.uk/severemebook/severeme.html)

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